


Eleanor and Aquitaine

by vifetoile



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials Fusion, Complete, F/M, Gen, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vifetoile/pseuds/vifetoile
Summary: "Our topic for today's discussion... Did your near-death experience alter your relationship with your dæmon, and if so, how?" Eleanor and Aqua, her dæmon, do not like this question. A dæmonverse take on The Good Place, set mid season 3. Complete!





	Eleanor and Aquitaine

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't own the characters of The Good Place nor the concept of dæmons, but man, I wish I did. 
> 
> There are stark differences between how The Good Place imagines the soul after death and how His Dark Materials does-- but I'm not worrying about it. I AM worrying about why there are no crossovers between The Good Place and Good Omens-- now THAT is scope for the imagination. Thank you for reading, please enjoy!

 

" _Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful_ …" crooned the radio. Eleanor, in her little Sydney kitchen, laughed and said to her dæmon, "Frightfully  _hot_ , maybe."

"It's a balmy seventy-something," replied Aqua, looking out the window. "It's not even that warm."

Aqua considered himself well-versed on that particular subject, being a jackrabbit of the Southwest deserts.

"Speak for yourself," Eleanor replied. "Tahani's been wilting like a lily in this weather. Won't let us forget it."

The day was December 22, fresh off of the winter solstice, and almost Christmas vacation. Eleanor and Aqua left the apartment with a thick coat of sunblock (for her), a lunchbox tucked with greens and grasses (for him), and a thermos of iced coffee (mostly for her, but Aqua liked to sip now and again).

On the walk to St. John's campus, Aqua ran around and stretched his legs with great exuberance. At one point, a cheetah dæmon rocketed past them, little more than a blur of yellow. A heartbeat later, her human followed on his cycle.

"Hi, Chidi!" Eleanor called to him. He hollered back a hello and then was gone, down the lane, same direction as Eleanor. She shook her head after them.

"And I used to think  _you_ were a speed freak," she said to her dæmon. Aqua did not reply, but gave an impressive leap in pursuit of a butterfly, and then ran another lap around his human.

0~0~0

In Chidi's office, Jason sat perched on the long table. He said to Tahani, "... and that's why the Jacksonville Jaguars fan club has a specific ban on marshmallows and lighter fluid, but I still think our Christmas barbeque is going to be  _dope_." On his shoulder, his dæmon fluttered her wings. "So what are you doing for Christmas?"

Tahani tossed her head to the side and smiled. "Well, Larry and I will take luncheon with his family, but I was thinking, since we're so close, maybe we'll pop over to Auckland and say hello to my old pal, Peter Jackson." She glanced towards Simone and Eleanor, who were nursing their coffees. "He's told me that I would make a perfect Luthien Tinuviel, whenever he gets around to filming  _The Silmarillion_."

Simone and Eleanor glanced at each other, almost cracked up, and then tactfully turned away, towards the window.

"Do you understand a word of that?" Eleanor asked her in a whisper.

"It's a  _Lord of the Rings_  reference."

Aqua chuckled from the floor. Eleanor said to Simone, "I never pegged you for a fantasy nerd."

"There's lots about me you don't know," Simone's expression turned sly and conspiratorial. At that moment, Chidi and his dæmon entered, out of workout clothes and freshly showered. Simone turned away to greet him, leaving Eleanor and Aqua at the window.

Eleanor let herself stare a while at Simone's dæmon- she didn't know his name yet, but she was pretty sure he was a 'he.' His form was an agile kingfisher, colored brilliantly-azure head and a copper-gold-bronze belly. In flight, he was balanced and swift; at rest, he was charming and warm.

"Some people get all the luck," Eleanor muttered. Aqua was rather scruffy-looking, various scattered shades of brown from "dust" to "cave." When Eleanor had been younger, she could cradle Aqua and turn up the dial on "Cute"—it helped them get free goodies back in Arizona—but now cynicism was baked into their eyes, harder to mask. These days, Aqua's natural camouflage was a benefit. People could overlook him, almost forget he was there.

Sometimes, he felt that even Eleanor forgot he was there.

"No pity party," she said to him.

With a disdainful air, he flicked his ears back and hopped away, towards Tahani's dæmon, who was happy to say hello. Tahani's dæmon was a short-haired collie with silvery-blue mottled fur. He wore a decoration-today it was a royal blue collar decorated with sparkling white gems (crystals or real diamonds? Best not to think of it).

Presently…

"Alright, Brainy Bunch, I am officially calling the meeting to order," said Simone. Her dæmon took up his usual perch on the bookshelf. Jason's dæmon flew up to him to say hello, and then returned to her human. Jason's dæmon was a cedar waxwing, with a grey crest and red dots on her wings. She was good-natured to a fault; if Jason didn't hold onto her during class, she'd chatter and sing all day.

Chidi and Toussainte took a seat at the table. Aqua tugged at Eleanor's leg, and she lifted him into her lap. Were they good again? Probably.

"Now, today, for a little Christmas treat, I've decided to mix up our schedule," Simone began, with a smile. Eleanor glanced over at Chidi, who looked far too excited about schedule alterations. "I had planned to save this for next week, but as Chidi pointed out, we can always come back to the question once you've had more time to think."

"What's the topic?" Tahani asked.

"It has to do with your dæmons. After lunch, we'll go to the Neurology department and use their dæmonic equipment, with your consent."

Her dæmon watched them all from the bookshelf. Keen observation, yes, Eleanor thought, but the eyes of a predator. If she wasn't a tough sort, it might unnerve her. And Aqua, over her shoulder, saw that Tahani had tensed up. Her dæmon's ears had perked up into cute little black triangles.

"Our topic for today's discussion is twofold. Did did your near-death experience alter your relationship with your dæmon, and if so, how? And after your near-death experience, did you notice a significant change in your dæmon, particularly?" Simone gestured to the pads of lined paper that were piled in the center of the table. "I'll give you time to compose your answers, confer with your dæmon privately, and then we'll go around and share. Does that sound good?"

Eleanor nodded. She took a pad of paper and stood up while Aqua clambered to her shoulder. They took themselves to a corner of the room to work. Tahani and Chidi remained at the table, while Jason settled at the window.

"Do you think we can lie?" Eleanor mumbled to Aqua, who shook his head in response and thought back to her,  _You really shouldn't_.

She tried to think of her near death experience- the hot parking lot, the bottle of margarita mix as it rolled away- but shied away. That that moment had been a catalyst for change was fine, but it had just- it had been so bad. It had felt awful. She wouldn't go back to it unless they forced her.

Eleanor's notepad, after half an hour, was a disorganized bullet point list of Eleanor's thoughts, Aqua's additions, a couple quick sketches of Aqua, and a stick figure of Eleanor riding a giant-sized Aqua into battle (she had gotten a little distracted).

They gathered back around the long table. Simone turned on the recorder, and gave today's date, location, and the other miscellaneous information that was part of Science.

"Eleanor?" Simone asked. "Would you like to go first?"

"No," was the immediate response. "No, I would not."

"I'll go first!" said Jason. His dæmon fluttered and chirped.

"Excellent. Please state your dæmon's name and her form, for the record," Simone said.

"Jason Mendoza," he began, "and my dæmon is Jewel. She's a cedar waxwing. And we've never had a really bad patch, but getting locked in a safe was actually really good for us."

"Really?" asked Simone.

"Yeah, turns out she hates getting locked in a safe," Jason explained. In the fold of his arms, Jewel's feathers abruptly stood on end. Perhaps she was having a flashback. "Yeah, Jewel had kind of a bad reaction. We'd wake up in the middle of the night and she'd want to go fly around, so we'd run around the block until she got calm. But y'see,  _dancing_ really helped. Dance is something that makes Jewel really happy, because we dance together and it's like there's no limits. Do you want us to show you?" He started to stand up-

"Not right now," Simone said. "Maybe when we have a video camera."

"Alright," Jason said, sitting back down. Jewel fluttered to his shoulder.

Aqua, in Eleanor's lap, thought,  _That's a good name for her-_

"That's a good name for her," Eleanor said out loud. "Jewel."

Jewel and Jason turned to look at her, and surely it was Eleanor's imagination, but maybe the red dots on her wings shimmered brighter when she was happy. "Thank you," she burbled.

"My mom picked the name," Jason said, with a big smile, "Jewel was her favorite singer."

"Oh," Tahani looked mildly confused. "Then she's not named after a… a gemstone?"

Jason's face lit up. "Damn, you're right! Hey Jewel! Your name's got  _two_ meanings! Man, Mom was the  _dopest!_ "

Eleanor and Aqua shared a look. What they thought between themselves, I will not say.

"So, yeah," Jason said, gathering his thoughts. "When she settled, Jewel kind of became background noise to me… but after the incident with the safe, I started really listening to her more and we talked more. If Dance Dance Resolution was better this time around, it's because of her, her and me figuring out everyone else's dæmons and what they need. So we're better now." He gave a satisfied nod.

Simone made some quick notes, and then said, "Thank you, Jason, Jewel. That was very good... Who would like to go next?"

"I will," said Chidi. "My dæmon is Toussainte, and she's a cheetah. She settled when I was fourteen-rather late, and yes, that worried me a lot at the time. But we're better now!"

"No, we're not," said Toussainte.

Chidi glanced around at the other humans, and everyone shook their heads in agreement with his dæmon. He gave up.

"My near death experience involved me nearly getting crushed by a falling air conditioner, and in addition to the regular trauma associated with, well, nearly dying," Chidi cleared his throat, "Toussainte became preoccupied. She kept saying to me she  _should_ have heard the AC unit falling-and she should have pulled me out of the way, or something, instead of our life being saved by a random cyclist. Instead of dumb  _luck._ "

He looked up at Simone, who asked, "Would you say you and Toussainte have a good relationship?"

Now that, Eleanor thought was a leading question, if ever she'd heard one. But then again, Aqua reminded her, Simone and Chidi were a couple- he and Eleanor ignored the little throb in their heart, that pined just a  _smidgen_ over Chidi and Toussainte- it was natural that Simone would have more insight into him, and know what to ask.

Meanwhile, Chidi hadn't answered. He glanced at Toussainte, and frowned, and his leg started jiggling. Toussainte's tail whipped back and forth, and her eyes looked glum.

"We don't," Chidi said finally. "Ever since she settled, I've… I've resented her. I knew she would settle as a feline of some sort, but a  _cheetah_. Every person who's ever looked at us has thought, 'Whoa! A cheetah dæmon! This guy must be really a powerhouse!'

"And people set their expectations so high for us, for  _me_ , and I hate bearing these high expectations. An apex predator, the fastest land mammal in the world, a Serengeti dæmon, all of those have connotations, and meanings, and the second you look at a person, everything you've ever heard about that form, it all coalesces and you think, 'I know everything to expect from this person.'"

Nods all around.

"I couldn't blame the world. So I blamed Toussainte, instead. I… sometimes I yelled at her. I always apologized afterwards, but…" he trailed off.

Toussainte put her forepaws in his lap, and he rubbed her back.

"And afterwards?" Eleanor asked. Immediately after, she realized that it hadn't really been her place to ask-but it worked. Chidi seemed to be back in the world of language.

"Afterwards, well. If we  _had_ died-then afterwards- we might have been separated. Socrates says that though the bond between dæmon, spirit or mind, and body- that  _even though_ that bond is strong and sure in life, in death it dissolves. All three parts go their separate ways. So Toussainte and I would have been lost. We would have lost each other. And, as you can imagine, I was reading a lot of Socrates-"

"Nerd," Eleanor said. Chidi grinned at her, a bit ruefully.

"-among the decisions that I made, while I was bent on decision-making, was to be grateful for Toussainte. Be glad that we're together. Cherish her, so to speak. It's an exercise. I think we're getting better. Of course, St. Teresa of Avila has different thoughts about death-"

"That's for another time," Simone said. "Thank you, very much, for sharing."

Eleanor piped up, "Speaking of exercise, how long have you been cycling?"

"Come again?" Chidi turned to her.

"You two and that cycle. Every day you zoom past like a bat out of hell-"

"I do not," he said, miffed, while Simone hid a grin behind him.

"You do," Eleanor said, "did you take up cycling this past year or what?"

"Well- it's tangentially relevant, I guess-" Chidi added to Simone, and said, "I started cycling when I was fifteen. I learned that if Toussainte didn't get her fill of running she'd become hyper, and I'd get close to manic.  _Apparently_ that's a side effect of certain forms."

"Oh, yes," Tahani said, with an air of great sagacity. "That afflicts a very dear friend of mine, Usain Bolt." beat. "... The greatest sprinter in the known-"

"I know," Eleanor said, looking back at Tahani, "Yeah, we get it. Bolt. His dæmon's also a cheetah. Got it."

"Tahani, would you like to go next?" Simone asked, without missing a beat.

"Certainly, if Chidi is finished."

Chidi nodded, and Tahani beamed as all the attention came to her. "My dæmon is a smooth collie with a blue merle coat and brown eyes, and he is named Marlowe, after the great Renaissance playwright."

 _What did he even write_? Eleanor thought to Aqua, who didn't know either.

"Now, what Chidi said-" Tahani paused, but it wasn't her glamorous pause for effect. "Er-" She seemed deep in thought, uncomfortable.

"Spit it out!" said Marlowe. The abruptness, hearing a dæmon speaking like that for the whole room to hear, put everyone else in the room on edge. "Chidi was wonderfully honest. You don't have to always be perfect!"

Tahani put her hand on Marlowe's head, but it was a gesture equal parts reproachful as affectionate. "Alright, then… for science," she said, with an uneasy smile to Simone. "Chidi, you said that your dæmon's settled form was rather more than you bargained for. I- I had the opposite experience. His settled form is very handsome, and collies are respectable, working-class dogs-"

Eleanor asked, "What did Kamilah's dæmon settle as?" Again, it just burst out. A raw and pointed inquiry at such a rude time.  _That is just so typically me_.

Tahani met her eyes. She wasn't smiling. "A swan," she said. "Shakespeare's form is a swan."

"A swan?" Jason echoed. "Wait, William Shakespeare wrote all those plays while he was a swan? Did he, like, dictate the plays or-" he halted; Jewel whispered in his ear. " _Ohhhh_ ," he said. "Nevermind. Sorry, Tahani, go on."

"It's alright, I'm just… do you remember how it felt to be a 'tween,' and almost settled?" Tahani said. She was looking at Eleanor. "I remember the growing pains seemed to go on forever. The girls at my school all were watching one another-whose dæmon would settle first? And then there was Rosemary, whose dæmon settled as a peahen and rather shoved her out of the closet, so to speak. And you count down the days, and you keep track as your dæmon's forms narrow down… you know, I thought Marlowe would settle as a gazelle for a few days there. My grandmother's dæmon had been a gazelle. And I got a sheepdog. A pastoral animal."

"There's nothing wrong with that, you know," Eleanor said.

"I know," Tahani said, but she didn't sound convinced. "I rather tried to lean into the nicer meanings of sheepdogs. Sheepdogs love to be social, and they love to herd ovine animals, so I took that as a cue to learn the art of entertaining and party-planning in earnest. But it was the notion that sheepdogs are followers. They take orders, they don't lead. My parents were… disappointed."

Marlowe yawned, showing his tongue and all his sharp teeth. And Tahani added, "Big surprise."

"And your near death experience?" Simone prompted, not unkindly.

"I don't know." Tahani started to fidget. "Well, after the incident in Cleveland, when we entered the monastery… the mountain air up in Nepal was very exhilarating. And perfect terrain for a good run. And of course, we could communicate what we  _needed_ with the monks, but we missed the sound of, you know, chatter in English. And Marlowe and I had only each other, so we talked a lot. It wasn't bad." Marlowe leaned his head on her leg. "My," she added, "I thought that I'd have some grand metaphorical conclusion to reach, and here I am, babbling away about anything…"

"It's fine," Simone told her. "You'll get a chance to revisit this subject. And you don't always have to be impressive," she added, with a smile. Eleanor was chuckling over this statement when Simone said, "Alright, Miss Shellstrop, it's your turn."

"What?" Eleanor turned to her, and her arms involuntarily tightened around Aqua.

"Your turn."

"Oh, I'm sure… fine… but don't brace yourself for anything great," Eleanor said. She leaned forward, and let Aqua hope onto the table. "Name, Eleanor Shellstrop. Dæmon name, Aqua. … Dæmon  _full_ name, Aquitaine."

"Like the Queen?" Tahani asked. "Eleanor of Aquitaine?"

"Yeah" Eleanor shrugged. "My mom thought she was being clever. I always just call him Aqua. He settled just before we turned twelve. His form is a desert jackrabbit, summer coat."

Aqua's paws were tucked up under him, but his eyes were wary as he looked at Eleanor. She went on, "We, um. We used to be really close. Basically we were all that we had. I remember he used to shape himself like a lizard, or a beetle, or a terrier-"

"Remember when I was a scorpion?" Aqua interrupted.

"Yes! You were badass!" Eleanor said to him. "And he just stayed practically on me, all of the time. We were all we needed, always thinking together, acting together, like a, I dunno. A fortress."

"But then you opened up," Tahani interrupted. Eleanor looked her way. "What? You interrupted each of us, I can interrupt you."

Eleanor gave her a look, but didn't contest her.

"When we're young, we rely completely on our dæmons, and when we grow up we get friends and we listen to them and we have our communities and we don't just live in our heads." Tahani glanced at Simone for backup. "Right?"

"Is that what you did?" Eleanor asked.

"Yes."

"You stopped listening to Marlowe after he settled?"

Tahani opened her mouth to say  _yes_ , but halted. "I didn't say I stopped listening," she said.

"You kind of implied it, though," Eleanor said.

"Eleanor, would you say that you and Aqua opened up to others, as you grew up?" Simone prompted.

"Yeah, yeah," Eleanor said, and bobbed her head. Then she saw Aqua glaring at her, and she said, "No. Okay, fine. I didn't listen to anyone else more, I just listened to Aqua less."

"But he's your  _dæmon_ ," Jason said.

"I know," Eleanor nearly snapped. "And you saw how great a person I was as a result, so bug off." Chidi was looking at her, and she mumbled a "Sorry, that was rude," to Jason. On the table, Aqua fidgeted, his ears turning to and fro almost like radar satellites. "I'm trying to be better," she managed to finish.

"Which brings us back to your near death experience," Simone said. She sounded patient, but it was the kind of patience that reveals it has a time limit, just in the tone. Maybe nothing urgent, but we don't have all day here, come on, our days are all numbered.

"Right," Eleanor turned to look at her.

"You were in a parking lot. A row of shopping carts barrelled towards you. Did you or Aqua sense it coming? How did you react in the moment?" Simone's pen tapped against the side of her notepad.

Eleanor glanced up at Simone's dæmon, who had not left his perch on the top of the bookcase. He looked safe and healthy and  _reliable_ , and Aqua's forepaws started to scratch at the paper beneath him.

"Eleanor, are you alright?" Simone asked.

"I need some air," Eleanor stood up abruptly. Aqua leapt from the tabletop to the floor, and his forepaws took the impact and he was already following her out the door, and they didn't  _care_ how rude they were being, everyone else could damn well science on without them, come on, they weren't going to  _force_ her to relive it.

They pushed through the doors and were out on the quad. Not a cloud in the sky, and the day was hot. If Eleanor closed her eyes and breathed, maybe she could imagine herself back in Arizona.

There was a spreading tree in the middle of the lawn, and Eleanor and Aqua moved to its shade, just for a place to go, a goal. She crossed her arms and looked at the university's people, walking beside their dæmons, talking or planning or just enjoying the summer day. She saw a Christmas tree twinkling in the window of a building across the way. People-watching, this campus was terrific for people-watching. She liked this state, this state of being unconnected, owing nothing to anyone- the state where, if she wanted, she could observe everyone else, or better yet, she could turn away, tend to her own appetites, and be perfectly alone.

Except she was never alone. Aqua was there, always. And Aqua carried their conscience, their regrets.  _His_ regrets, in particular.

He set his forepaws on her foot, and his voice was small, but of course, she heard him, always.

"I'm sorry, Eleanor. I'm so sorry. I'd do anything to take it back."

"I know you would," she replied. She swallowed, hard. She rubbed at her eyes with one hand. "I would have run, too, in your place."

"Does that make it better?"

"No," she said. She gave a bitter chuckle. "But it means we're even. God, we're so forked up, you and I." She blinked. "Wait, why didn't I just say 'fuck'?"

Aqua was just as confused as she was. "I don't know. Sometimes we dream… dream about walking in a sunny, weird place where we can't swear."

"Well, fuck that." Eleanor bent down and gathered Aqua into her arms.

"I'm sorry," Aqua said again.

"I'm sorry, too," Eleanor said. And then, just because no one was looking at them, she pressed a kiss between his ears. "Let's go back."

As they reached the door to the building, they met Chidi, already pushing it open. "Oh," he said.

"Come to gather the prodigal lamb?" Eleanor said to him.

"Mixed metaphors," said Toussainte by Chidi's knee. "The lost lamb, the prodigal son."

"But yes, the answer is yes," Chidi said, as Aqua stuck his tongue out at Toussainte.

"I'm sorry for being so rude," Eleanor said, as they started down the hall.

"Oh, no. Simone admits it's a very hard subject."

"You and I have a lot in common," Eleanor said.

Chidi looked at her. "How's that?"

"Your dæmon's form is an apex predator. Mine is a prey animal. And we're both of us on the run, all the time."

Chidi lifted his eyebrows, and after a beat he said, "That's an idea."

"I'm right."

"Well, I'm going to think about that. On the run. From what?"

"We're running from different things."  
"Oh…  _ohhh_. Okay, now I'm interested."

"Now  _that's_ a compliment," Eleanor was smiling as they re-entered his office, the headquarters of the Brainy Bunch. Tahani was steeping a new cup of tea, and she waved at Eleanor, and Jason gave her a chin-up nod and a grin. Simone was at her computer, but she looked up at them and said, "Feeling better?"

"Yes." Eleanor nodded, took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready, and I don't know if I'll be able to hold onto my nerve so can we start again, like, right now?"

"Ready." Simone had the remote to start the recorder ready to hand. Chidi shut the door.

"My name is Eleanor," she said, stepping closer to the recorder, "My dæmon's name is Aquitaine, and we have a bad relationship. When I- when  _we_ almost died- I was kneeling to pick up margarita mix, and my knees kind of locked. When the carts came towards us, I froze in place. I realized I was going to get badly hurt. And Aqua." She took a breath, and her arms tightened around her dæmon, "Aqua ran. Away from the carts. Away from me."

There were soft gasps behind her. Not looking, Eleanor went on.

"The man who pulled me out of the way, fortunately he pulled me in the direction that Aqua had gone, towards the parking lot. But Aqua's really fast. When the man left, I was out of danger, and Aqua was. Twenty feet away. Under a car."

"A Jeep," Aqua admitted, so quiet only she could hear. "It seemed safe."

Eleanor laughed, but got it under control- she didn't like where that laugh might go. "It hurt like a mother. Twenty feet away. When I took a breath, it felt like I had a knife, a razorblade in my heart. And the pain goes to every part of you, fingertips and all. Right as I realized I had almost died, I realized Aqua was so far away, and I just screamed. It felt like forever, but it wasn't even five minutes. Aqua ran back towards me… I kind of hobbled towards him, my legs felt like jelly. Then Aqua was back with me and we just, we sobbed. Everyone around thought I was having a meltdown. One person thought I was having a baby… you know, the screams."

She closed her eyes. "Aqua ran away from me. Your dæmon is never supposed to leave you. They're supposed to be with you through anything,  _anything_. But Aqua ran away. We were scared, we were terrified. I mean, I would have done the same, if our places were reversed." Again, she laughed- this was a terrible laugh, and laughs could so easily turn into sobs,  _get it together, girl_ \- "It's just awful. Things haven't been the same between us. I mean, it used to be just the two of us, and now there's like this wall. I used to cut out little bandanas for him to wear…"

"What color?" Jason asked.

Eleanor turned to him, and she got the feeling that everyone was giving Jason a death glare, but he didn't give up looking at her, the question still in his eyes.

She gave up. "Aqua," she said. "The  _color_ aqua."

"Ohhh! Oh, that's cute," Jason said, nodding approvingly.

She turned back to the recorder, to Simone, and the project, and work. "And after that, it was like, we've got to fix things between us. So we started. You know. Like Jason said, listening to each other. But that one day… it's just, it changed stuff. And I've never talked about it with anyone.  _We_ hardly talk about it between ourselves." She couldn't think of anything else to say. She fell silent, and after a few seconds she prayed that someone else would talk, say something. Simone looked deep in thought, and then Tahani spoke up.

"You did the right thing, though, talking about this," Tahani said. "I'm sure of it. After all, ' _When I was angry with my friend, I told my wrath, my wrath did end_.' Blake," she added, "From  _Songs of Experience_."

"Wait," Jason said. "Blake  _Bortles_? The Jacksonville Jaguars' quarterback also writes poetry? Man, he can do anything!"

Nobody disabused him of the notion.

"We're a screwup extraordinaire," Eleanor said, and Aqua nodded. "I guess that's all I can really take away from this."

Chidi spoke up, surprising her. "If you are, so are we. I wasted so much time being angry at Toussainte, which only made us more anxious, and… god, it's a cycle, isn't it?"

"You think you've reached a new understanding, and everything will be different," Tahani said thoughtfully, "but before you know it you're back in your old habits, like… like a dog going back to a bad master."

Eleanor took her seat back. "Screwups, every one of us," she said, looking around at the little study group.

Jason had his head ceilingward, watching Jewel flit around the light fixtures. "Yeah, Mom always said, if I didn't know what to do, just ask Jewel, and she'd know and guide me right. But I don't know. Maybe that was the Catholicism talking." Jewel flew down to his shoulder, and he added, "Maybe our dæmons don't know any better than we do."

"Is morality inborn in our souls, or do our dæmons pick it up from the moment of birth?" Simone asked, getting to her feet. "Nature, or nurture? You've stumbled on one of the biggest questions of neurology, psychology,  _and_ philosophy."

Jason beamed.

"Let's leave it there for today," Simone said, turning off the recorder, "I think it's time for lunch, then to the Neurology department. And like I said, we'll revisit this topic after Christmas."

Eleanor took up her purse, took a sip of iced coffee, and was just turning to the door when she felt Simone's hand on her shoulder. She turned.

"Just real quickly, Eleanor-" Simone started.

"Don't get mushy on me-"

"Thank you," Simone said. "That's all. Thanks for coming back."

Eleanor gave a kind of a shrug and mumbled something fairly nice in return. Simone added, "By the way, you got my email?"

"About your Christmas party? Is that, uh, still on?"

"Yes," Simone said. While she related the time and place to her, their dæmons conferred on the table. By talking to Simone's dæmon, Aqua understood that the invitation was sincere, and Christmas would be a little poorer without Eleanor coming by Simone's apartment.

"We'll be there," Eleanor said at last. She was smiling when she left, looking forward to the Christmas party where she'd see Jason, Chidi, and Simone. Out into the hallway, out the door, and Aqua ran ahead of her onto the lawn.

"You're feeling happy," Eleanor said to him, as he rolled about on the grass.

"I feel light, somehow," Aqua said. Then he sprang back upright, to awareness, looking at the journalism wing of the building.

"What is it?"

"I thought I saw her again."

"Oh, that lady."

"The lady in the purple suit with the M. C. Escher dæmon."

"Aqua…"

"I'm telling you, that dæmon is weird! And it's weird how she vanishes when we get closer to her." All they had were scant impressions- a fall of dark hair, a neat purple suit, and the flicker of a dæmon whose shape didn't make sense.

"Forget it, Jake, it's Sydney," Eleanor said. "Whoever she is, I hope she has a merry Christmas. C'mon, let's get lunch."

She started walking right, and Aqua darted ahead of her, delighting again in speed and fresh air, but then he pivoted around and ran back to her, nuzzling at her knee as if to say,  _We're in this together, I'm by your side_.

Eleanor smiled, and said nothing, but thought to herself, looking around the campus, that this wasn't a bad place to be, Sydney, St. John's, this world. Not a bad place to be at all.


End file.
